Unpopped Videos.

1) GEORGE W BUSH AND FRIENDS  How we got into this mess.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Q1cns72KSo

2) AN UNFOND FAREWELL TO GEORGE W BUSH  Uke till you puke.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkcfQyj8JLI

3) BUGS ON A SCREEN  Coping with Cleveland's annual midge invasion.
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YF5gMUPVik

4) PIE IN FACE  Math teacher gets hit in face with pi
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDyaV_P2yzc

5) RUSH VS US    CORN-parison of Rush's mega-income to that of his typical listener
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjC4peuzvZs

7) FOX NEWS, UNPLUGGED   Unfair, Unbalanced, Unplugged.
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9O3B3SuXIw

8) PALIN PICKLES VIDEO - Pronunciation fail.  What's the dill?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFX5U3eG4fI

9) CLEVELAND TEA PARTY  Live footage of Sarah Palin screech-alike
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MD2W110JTcY 

10) LUNCHBREAK BIRDS  At the Reading Garden, according to the signs, if you feed the birds you're subjected to fines.  Oops, I dropped a crumb!
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3HHL1rf1gE

11) BALLS 2  The long-awaited sequel.
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fg4MbofeZ-8

12) NOT GONNA VOTE REPUBLICAN  Cuz I'm not filthy rich. Not gonna vote Conservative, I'm not Rush Limbaugh's bitch.
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QEjN-NwNNRA

SUMMER BOOK SALE

Some of the books show no signs of ever having been read.

All in all it was a great sale.  I came away with forty-four pounds of books.  Hopefully that's enough to last me until the big FALL USED BOOK SALE.

THE PERFECT SUMMER SHIRT

You can't buy the perfect summer shirt. You have to make it. What you need are a terrific T-shirt and a scissors. The T-shirt has to be white, with something cool printed on it. One-hundred-percent cotton is best, but ninety-nine percent cotton is acceptable, as long as the one percent isn't burlap.


Most cool printed T-shirts come in two sizes, Large and Extra-Large. Adjusting for size inflation, that's Medium and Extra-Medium. No matter what size you get, they all hang down past your knees. Unless you want a shirt that can double as a dress you will have to crop it. A new shirt should be washed and dried at least once before cropping. Then try it on, and determine how long you want it to be. If you want it to fall, say, three inches below the waist, you will need to crop at a level about four inches below the waist to allow for the curl that will happen after it's laundered.


It's important to get a T-shirt that's roomy. If Large is a little tight, get Extra-Large. If Extra-Large is tight, you are S.O.L. (shirt outa luck).


The next steps are to cut off the sleeves and the area around the neck. Be careful not to cut through the stitching. Then cut off the label. Don't worry, this isn't a pillow, so you won't go to prison.


I get a lot of comments on my perfect summer shirt. Maybe it has something to do with the printing, which says “Lakewood OHIO My Kind of Town!”
 
 

HOW TO DE-BUG YOUR SCREEN

Some people are bothered by the bugs that congregate from time to time on their window screens,

but I have found a way to have fun with these insects.  The method involves a garden spray-bottle filled with water, and a little marksmanship skill.

The best time is when midge season is in full swing, and there are dozens of these guys on the screen. It should be noted that the bugs are on the outside of the screen, and the person doing the spraying is inside the home, on the other side of the screen. This is especially important to remember if you are like me, and live in a third floor apartment.

I start by adjusting the nozzle on the sprayer to the “jet stream” setting to get a powerful narrow stream. Then I stand about two feet away and take aim.

Midges aren't very bright, and when I say this I'm not comparing them to lightning bugs. If you zap one of them, his neighbor an inch away won't budge. Then you zap the neighbor, and laugh at him for not budging. You can zap a screenful, and not have to wait too long for a new group to take their place.

This year, for the first time, a giant mayfly landed on the screen.

I held a video camera in my left hand and the sprayer in my right. I zapped the bug, but couldn't knock him off. I zapped him again with little effect. I thought he made an obscene gesture but I wasn't sure. Then I got closer and squeezed the trigger twice in rapid succession. He was gone, in a spray of water molecules.

Unfortunately the video camera malfunctioned, and I didn't get the incident on tape. I had thoughts of a YouTube video going viral, maybe even bacterial.

WE SHOULD HAVE WORN OUR BIKINIS.

The 2010 Cleveland Marathon was a big success.  The number of entries set a new record, and hardly anyone dropped dead. Thanks to digital photography, I was able to take nearly four hundred photos. Unfortunately the great bulk of them were of hot women runners and I couldn't think of any smartass comments to add. Here are some of the other pics:

CLEVELAND TEA PARTY

The newspaper estimated the crowd at 400, a little smaller than the zillion predicted by the organizers.

When does it suck having a front-row seat?

Somebody doesn't know DOWN from UP!  If Reagan DID go to heaven, however, that would mean everybody gets in!

Sarah screech-alike.

This guy's family must be SO proud!

Quick, somebody call the dyslexia hotline: 888-8888.  Have you ever seen a protest sign with a semi-colon?

President, Pelosi fan club.

Afraid they'll socialize the food supply.

Getting naked cost this TV anchorwoman her last job, but getting naked didn't prevent Teabag Brown from getting elected Senator from Massachusetts.

I wonder how much time this guy spent on the goofy sign and outfit. On the back of the plate is a picture of George Washington saying "WTF."  Hard to argue with that!

Someone has been living under a rock for the last thirty years.

This stand ran out of 3XL t-shirts, however, they had an adequate supply of hats in sizes Medium, Small, X-Small, 2X-Small, 3X-Small, and Pinhead.

GRISLY DISCOVERY

The remains of a cartoon character have washed ashore at Edgewater Beach in Cleveland, Ohio.  Preliminary reports indicate that it may be Bip, The Michelin Man, who hasn't been seen in several years, and was believed to have been living in reTIREment.

FIVE OF HEART ATTACKS.

The news that Dick Cheney suffered his fifth heart attack reminded me that my game, DISCARDING THE REPUBLICAN STACKED DECK, is really becoming outdated.  When I made the game, in 2004, the Republican deck seemed permanently stacked.  Ronald Reagan, Ken Lay and Jerry Falwell were alive, James Traficant was in prison, and Rush Limbaugh was on the radio, tricking millions of people into voting against their own interests.  Well, I guess everything hasn't changed.

Dick Cheney, in healthier times.

The game was a lot of fun to play, provided you read five newpapers and spent ten hours a day watching MSNBC, CSPAN, CNN, FOX NEWS, and listening to Public Radio.  The object of the game was to be the first to discard all your Republican cards into the dumpster after drawing the appropriate DISCARD CARD.

I ran into some problems, however, such as trying to find really gigantic cards, and/or really tiny dumpsters.  I ended up using the empty tins from curiously expensive mints as makeshift dumpsters.

         Makeshift dumpster.

The game starts out with the Republican cards being evenly divided among the players.  How often do you see "evenly divided" and "Republican" in the same sentence? 

     Some of the cards

               

  

      Jokers to the left. . .

         

                             Bushes out of control.

The only good cards are the DISCARD cards.

An unlucky pick will yield an "R" card, instead of a DISCARD card.

An "R" card means you have to wait until your next turn for a chance to deposit a Republican into the dumpster.

The next version of the game will be called DISCARDING WHAT'S LEFT OF THE REPUBLICAN STACKED DECK.  A new feature will be a toxic dump site for those that have already been discarded.