CLEVELAND TEA PARTY

The newspaper estimated the crowd at 400, a little smaller than the zillion predicted by the organizers.

When does it suck having a front-row seat?

Somebody doesn't know DOWN from UP!  If Reagan DID go to heaven, however, that would mean everybody gets in!

Sarah screech-alike.

This guy's family must be SO proud!

Quick, somebody call the dyslexia hotline: 888-8888.  Have you ever seen a protest sign with a semi-colon?

President, Pelosi fan club.

Afraid they'll socialize the food supply.

Getting naked cost this TV anchorwoman her last job, but getting naked didn't prevent Teabag Brown from getting elected Senator from Massachusetts.

I wonder how much time this guy spent on the goofy sign and outfit. On the back of the plate is a picture of George Washington saying "WTF."  Hard to argue with that!

Someone has been living under a rock for the last thirty years.

This stand ran out of 3XL t-shirts, however, they had an adequate supply of hats in sizes Medium, Small, X-Small, 2X-Small, 3X-Small, and Pinhead.

GRISLY DISCOVERY

The remains of a cartoon character have washed ashore at Edgewater Beach in Cleveland, Ohio.  Preliminary reports indicate that it may be Bip, The Michelin Man, who hasn't been seen in several years, and was believed to have been living in reTIREment.

FIVE OF HEART ATTACKS.

The news that Dick Cheney suffered his fifth heart attack reminded me that my game, DISCARDING THE REPUBLICAN STACKED DECK, is really becoming outdated.  When I made the game, in 2004, the Republican deck seemed permanently stacked.  Ronald Reagan, Ken Lay and Jerry Falwell were alive, James Traficant was in prison, and Rush Limbaugh was on the radio, tricking millions of people into voting against their own interests.  Well, I guess everything hasn't changed.

Dick Cheney, in healthier times.

The game was a lot of fun to play, provided you read five newpapers and spent ten hours a day watching MSNBC, CSPAN, CNN, FOX NEWS, and listening to Public Radio.  The object of the game was to be the first to discard all your Republican cards into the dumpster after drawing the appropriate DISCARD CARD.

I ran into some problems, however, such as trying to find really gigantic cards, and/or really tiny dumpsters.  I ended up using the empty tins from curiously expensive mints as makeshift dumpsters.

         Makeshift dumpster.

The game starts out with the Republican cards being evenly divided among the players.  How often do you see "evenly divided" and "Republican" in the same sentence? 

     Some of the cards

               

  

      Jokers to the left. . .

         

                             Bushes out of control.

The only good cards are the DISCARD cards.

An unlucky pick will yield an "R" card, instead of a DISCARD card.

An "R" card means you have to wait until your next turn for a chance to deposit a Republican into the dumpster.

The next version of the game will be called DISCARDING WHAT'S LEFT OF THE REPUBLICAN STACKED DECK.  A new feature will be a toxic dump site for those that have already been discarded.

HOW TO BE NOT FAT.

* Avoid foods that are delicious. They encourage overeating. Substitute things that taste fairly good. Stay away from any beer that says it has "drinkability."





* Weigh yourself every day before going to bed. Write weight down on calendar. This will discourage gluttony during the day as you think ahead to the weigh-in and allow you to keep track of your progress.



* Set an ideal weight range for yourself. When you get near the bottom of the range you can eat more. When you get near the top, eat less.



* Start an exercise routine that doesn't make you miserable. That will make it likelier that you stay with it. Don't waste time with TV offers like SWEATING WITH RICHARD SIMMONS. Tell BILLY BLANKS to go blank himself. You don't even need to go to a gym. For less than a year's membership at the Belly Fatness Center you can buy all the equipment you need to assemble a nice home gym.



Low-repetition, no-sweat weightlifting is good. This will build muscles, which burn calories even while you sleep. Along with this, you can ride a bicycle in good weather, or a recumbent exercise bike, indoors, in bad weather. Avoid racing style bicycles, they are uncomfortable. Ride for at least 21 minutes each time and avoid coasting. Listen to MP3s while riding.



Recumbent exercise bikes allow you to sit back and watch TV, listen to music, sip coffee, and catch up on your reading - all at the same time. You may even forget that you are exercising.








You don't have to spend a lot.

* Change your snacks. Instead of a half-gallon of Ben & Jerry's, have a packet of the new flavored tuna. It tastes pretty good. Instead of a cheese crust pizza, have a baked potato drizzled with water. Add salt and it tastes a little bit like the stuff they use to make fries.

* Walk to the supermarket. Buy only as much food as you can carry home. This is good exercise on the way to the store and even better on the way back. In the summer you might even have to sprint home before the popsicles melt.







* Last but most: CHOOSE SKINNY PARENTS.

JEFF'S INTERESTING STUFF


For years I published a small newsletter called JEFF'S INTERESTING STUFF. I tried to make it interesting, funny, and informative. I had some regular features, such as THE NAME GAME, NOT A GOOD SIGN, YOU CAN CALL ME "AL," LYRICS, MR. TOTAL RECALL, HOWCOME?, BUMP AND GUMP, THE ANNUAL thank God I don't have to go BACK TO SCHOOL ISSUE, THESE ARE A FEW OF MY LEAST FAV'RITE THINGS, HOME SHOPPING QUOTES, CHATROOM CHATTER, and the ANNUAL SWEATSUIT ISSUE. I also had cartoons, jokes, political commentary, and other things that I considered interesting. I didn't know that people liked it so much until I stopped publishing it and former subscribers kept asking about it.

After the newsletter I worked on a card game which I called DISCARDING THE REPUBLICAN STACKED DECK. I got a lot of positive feedback because of it, and it caused at least one person to stop voting Republican. As I look at the game today I see that most of the Republicans have been discarded, either by being voted out of office, going to jail, dying, or getting jobs with Fox News Channel.

Later I started writing political songs and posting them on YouTube as JEFF9K.

I had hoped to continue my work here, as the JEFF'S INTERESTING STUFF blog, however, I discovered there was already a blog named JEFF'S INTERESTING STUFF, and, after some reflection, came to the realization that the name kind of sucked anyway. Then I made a list of possible blog names and was delighted to find that my 137th choice, JEFF'S UNPOPPED KERNELS, wasn't taken, and so, until further notice, that will be the name of this blog.