HOW TO BE NOT FAT.

* Avoid foods that are delicious. They encourage overeating. Substitute things that taste fairly good. Stay away from any beer that says it has "drinkability."





* Weigh yourself every day before going to bed. Write weight down on calendar. This will discourage gluttony during the day as you think ahead to the weigh-in and allow you to keep track of your progress.



* Set an ideal weight range for yourself. When you get near the bottom of the range you can eat more. When you get near the top, eat less.



* Start an exercise routine that doesn't make you miserable. That will make it likelier that you stay with it. Don't waste time with TV offers like SWEATING WITH RICHARD SIMMONS. Tell BILLY BLANKS to go blank himself. You don't even need to go to a gym. For less than a year's membership at the Belly Fatness Center you can buy all the equipment you need to assemble a nice home gym.



Low-repetition, no-sweat weightlifting is good. This will build muscles, which burn calories even while you sleep. Along with this, you can ride a bicycle in good weather, or a recumbent exercise bike, indoors, in bad weather. Avoid racing style bicycles, they are uncomfortable. Ride for at least 21 minutes each time and avoid coasting. Listen to MP3s while riding.



Recumbent exercise bikes allow you to sit back and watch TV, listen to music, sip coffee, and catch up on your reading - all at the same time. You may even forget that you are exercising.








You don't have to spend a lot.

* Change your snacks. Instead of a half-gallon of Ben & Jerry's, have a packet of the new flavored tuna. It tastes pretty good. Instead of a cheese crust pizza, have a baked potato drizzled with water. Add salt and it tastes a little bit like the stuff they use to make fries.

* Walk to the supermarket. Buy only as much food as you can carry home. This is good exercise on the way to the store and even better on the way back. In the summer you might even have to sprint home before the popsicles melt.







* Last but most: CHOOSE SKINNY PARENTS.

JEFF'S INTERESTING STUFF


For years I published a small newsletter called JEFF'S INTERESTING STUFF. I tried to make it interesting, funny, and informative. I had some regular features, such as THE NAME GAME, NOT A GOOD SIGN, YOU CAN CALL ME "AL," LYRICS, MR. TOTAL RECALL, HOWCOME?, BUMP AND GUMP, THE ANNUAL thank God I don't have to go BACK TO SCHOOL ISSUE, THESE ARE A FEW OF MY LEAST FAV'RITE THINGS, HOME SHOPPING QUOTES, CHATROOM CHATTER, and the ANNUAL SWEATSUIT ISSUE. I also had cartoons, jokes, political commentary, and other things that I considered interesting. I didn't know that people liked it so much until I stopped publishing it and former subscribers kept asking about it.

After the newsletter I worked on a card game which I called DISCARDING THE REPUBLICAN STACKED DECK. I got a lot of positive feedback because of it, and it caused at least one person to stop voting Republican. As I look at the game today I see that most of the Republicans have been discarded, either by being voted out of office, going to jail, dying, or getting jobs with Fox News Channel.

Later I started writing political songs and posting them on YouTube as JEFF9K.

I had hoped to continue my work here, as the JEFF'S INTERESTING STUFF blog, however, I discovered there was already a blog named JEFF'S INTERESTING STUFF, and, after some reflection, came to the realization that the name kind of sucked anyway. Then I made a list of possible blog names and was delighted to find that my 137th choice, JEFF'S UNPOPPED KERNELS, wasn't taken, and so, until further notice, that will be the name of this blog.